London is way cooler than me.

I think the post title says it all. Let me tell you a few things about London:

1. The girls will make you sick. They are all chic-er than you, and it is sheer torture, because you know that, despite having the same access to the same clothes, they will always look more perfectly disheveled and layered than you do, and that is the end of that. The accent doesn't hurt.

2. There is a bird obsession in London that is a bit over the top. They even have TV shows about it. That, and squirrels. Yes, squirrels. I've heard several conversations about the American gray squirrels causing the English red squirrels to go nearly extinct. It is a big deal. However, our American gray squirrels, I will admit, have really found their niche here. They will come right up to you, and it is awesome. Ok, enough about animals...

3. Another thing that is helpful to know about London before you get here, they will use words that will be very familiar to you. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that they have the same meaning as they do in the States. Apparently, pants are underwear, trousers are pants, pudding is dessert in general, but can also be savory (and apparently, it can be a sort of bread roll/pastry type thing when called "yorkshire pudding") and sometimes contains coagulated blood, so ask first. Chips are french fries, biscuits are cookies, scones are the closest thing I can find to an actual biscuit, faggots are meatballs, and fags are cigarettes. I wish I had written this blog sooner so that I could remember all of the insane misnomers, but here we are, with my Guinness impaired memory, so don't be surprised if I add more later as they come to me.

4. Stuff = bits. Insert the word "bits" anywhere you usually say "stuff" and you will be thoroughly British in no time.

5. The underground, the London answer to a subway, also called the tube, is great. At first, it can be a bit overwhelming (I mean "bit" in the American sense, not the British one, so I do not mean "at first, it can be a stuff overwhelming"). But generally, it gets you everywhere and once you get the hang of it, it is actually loads of fun.

6. To shop: Oxford and Bond Streets. Go no where else.

7. This is a full English breakfast, as far as I can ascertain: sausage, bacon (yes, both), eggs (typically fried), a tomato, a mushroom cap (I know, random), toast or an English muffin, and sometimes, hashbrowns. Also, a great cure for a hangover.