Babies on Board

Warning: to all of my friends with children, I apologize in advance...

Hey lady on the train, or couple on the plane, or grandparents on the metro, this goes out to you. You and yours love your child. Of course you do, it is a biological imperative. I do not love your child. In fact, I think your child is a narcissistic sociopath whose one and only concern is with their own interests and desires, with little to no concern for the happiness or comforts or even personal safety of others. Your responsibility as a parent or guardian is to rear them out of that state as they grow into fully functioning adults. When you allow your child to wield an umbrella with a point on the end a mere two feet from my face on a bumpy metro, you are not doing that job successfully. When you allow your toddler to spit on me on a train because she is not getting her way, you have failed as a parent. When you allow your whiny little brat to kick the back of my airplane chair for an hour and then proceed to put the burden on me by asking me to let you know if she is bothering me, you're an asshole.

Moral and legal standards dictate that I am not allowed to lay a hand on your child even if they assault and batter me, and I have accepted that. But my mother would have spanked the shit out of me if I had behaved this way in public when I was a child, and it is time that you let go of your PC, Dr. Spock bullshit and do the same. As a former child, I can attest to the fact that the one thing beyond love that will make you respect your parents the most is FEAR. Get your act together, or don't travel.